Looking for Love in All the Right Places

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
We believe that many folks are afraid of marriage because they read the dire predictions about marriage in the news, they watch way too much television where the focus is, more often than not, on glorifying sex and multiple relationships, and because they hear too many people belittling the value and sanctity of marriage. It’s a shame really because it causes people desperate for love to look for love in all the wrong places.
There is science involved in understanding why so many marriages beyond the first one fail. People desperate for love go to singles bars, nightclubs, parties, etc. Now ask yourself this very honest and forthright question – do you really expect that your best chance to find Mr. or Ms. Right is through one of these venues? That is not to say that it doesn’t happen from time to time, but we suspect that people looking for lasting love in these places rarely find it. This is not meant as a criticism of these venues so much as our attempt to open your eyes to the limited chances of finding someone to spend your life with in places like this.
Our advice is go to places where you are more likely to find another person looking for true and lasting love – at church or synagogue, at volunteer opportunities, by belonging to social organizations like dance clubs, at interest-oriented meetings such as book clubs, car clubs, outdoor organizations or community action groups, at the bookstore over a cup of coffee, or at work (this gets a little complicated!), to name a few. If you meet a person doing what you enjoy doing the most, chances are, you will find a person who shares your same interests and passions. Make a list of all of the things you love doing, then start doing them.
Fairly recent on the matchmaking front are the dating services and on-line dating sites. There is still no clear conclusion about the long-term success rate or validity of the matching capabilities of these services. However, one thing is for sure, much caution has to be used when engaging these services. For tips on things to watch out for see: Does online dating lead to marriage?
In our judgment a principle cause of divorce is because people end up married to the wrong person after searching for love in all the wrong places. Start doing what you enjoy the most and you will be looking for love in the right places. We are confident you will find the one you can love and who will love you for a lifetime.
Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
2009 Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

What is the Best Valentine’s Day Gift?

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
It is said that some 200 million stems of roses will be sold in the USA on Valentine’s Day 2011. Imagine that! That’s a lot of expressions of love don’t you think! We Americans love Valentine’s Day. We relish the opportunity to express our love to the one we love, and we do it through multiple venues.
People propose marriage, get engaged, express love, and give lots of flowers to the one they love on Valentine’s Day. What they are really saying is, You are My Valentine and I love you! And the truth is, Valentine’s Day is romantic and sexual in its orientation for many. It is the ultimate day of love!”
In so many ways, giving roses to the one you love is an expression of love for someone that really matters to you. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to express your love. But think about it; are there better and less expensive ways to tell someone you love that they are the center of your universe? We think so.
We subscribe to the old adage that the best things in life are free. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to cost a dime of your hard-earned money during these trying economic times. Valentine’s Day, in the end, is all about love. It is about serving breakfast in bed to the one you love. It is about giving the gift of time instead of lavish or expensive gifts.
Don’t over-emphasize the importance of giving THINGS. In the end, the greatest Valentine’s gift of all to the one you love is the gift of your time. Our research on six continents of the world and in 45 countries over these past three decades completely supports this notion.
Valentine’s Day should be a time to reflect on and a time to share your love with the one you are in love with. When you truly love someone, you spend your love energy in the here and now. Valentine’s Day sometimes does often conjure up memories of lost love! Forget about that! Spend your time immersing yourself in today’s love. Spend your time being thankful for who you love today. Hindsight is always 20-20. Love is sometimes blind, but your heart will tell you the difference. Spend time with the one you love on this highly important day. You will not regret it.
So, who is the love of your life on this Valentine’s Day? What do you plan to do to express your love to the one you love? Will it be an expensive affirmation of love? Or, will you give the gift of time to the one you love? The choice is yours.
We vote, however, for the gift of time. When you go to your grave, you cannot take material items with you. You can, however, take memories of love with you with your dying breath. Spending time with the one you love ensures your place in their heart. And you can take that kind of love with you!
Here’s what we know. In our thousands of interviews, the most successful marriages and relationships repeatedly report this simple notion – being with their spouse is the most important part of their day. Nothing about love can replace the intimacy of being alone with your lover. Do not have any illusions when it comes to love – being with the one you love should be the nirvana of your day. If you don’t feel this way, it is time to reflect on your relationship with the one you purport to love.
We are often asked this question—Does love exist only if you acknowledge it in front of other people? Our answer – how ridiculous is this notion! Telling someone you love him or her should occur everywhere – in public, in private, and all around the town. People in love acknowledge their love wherever and whenever. Where they do it doesn’t matter.
Always remember, every day is a day of sunshine when you are with the one you love. Valentine’s Day reminds us why our soul mate, our lover, and our best friend is the one we most want to spend our time with and to share our life with.
In the end, there is nothing more important in a loving relationship than the gift of time. Give the one you love this special gift today. You will not regret it. Make this your best Valentine’s ever!
In love and marriage the simple things matter. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For hundreds of tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

On Valentine’s Day the Core Values of Love Matter

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Commit to the seven core values of successful love and marriage and you can make your Valentine’s Day the best ever.
We have learned a lot about successful love and marriage in the USA and around the world over these past 32 years. The results of our studies are shared in our multiple award winning book entitled Building a Love that Lasts. In this article we would like to do is share with you what we have found to be the Seven Core Values of All Loving Relationships.
Over the past 32 years, we have learned much about what makes great marriages tick – about what makes them successful. Even in spite of ominous odds from time to time, the best marriages survive and thrive, and we know why! They survive and thrive because they are committed to the Core Values present in all great marriages and successful loving relationships. Here they are in a nutshell.
1. The couple in love is committed to always putting each other first in their relationship with each other.
The first thing you notice in all highly successful loving relationships is that those who purport to be in love recognize that their relationship is not about you and me, it is about US. Discovering that YOU are not the center of the universe is the hallmark of a great relationship. Actually putting another human being number one is a powerful indication that you are truly in love.
2. The couple in love is committed to democracy in their relationship.
Always remember, successful loving relationships are egalitarian. Namely, the best relationships understand that theirs is a shared relationship. If one person has all the power and makes all the decisions, it is NOT love! True love is a very democratic thing!
3. The couple in love is committed to ensuring their mutual happiness.
Remember, true love is not just about ensuring your happiness. More importantly, and often for the first time in your life, you actually enjoy and are motivated by ensuring the happiness of someone other than yourself. It is a good feeling!
4. The couple in love values absolute trustworthiness and integrity in their relationship with each other.
If you cannot trust the one you love, then it is not true love! Trust us on that. The most successful loving relationships report that they trust their mate unequivocally and without hesitation. To violate that trust is to undermine and, ultimately destroy, the relationship with the one you say you love.
5. The couple in love is committed to caring and unconditional love for each other.
When you truly love someone you do so without conditions. It is not about loving you IF . . . True love is unconditional.
6. The couple in love is committed to being mutually respectful towards each other.
There is a Golden Rule in true love and it is like the one you learned early in your life – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do not expect to be treated with respect when you are disrespectful to the one you love. Respectfulness is at the heart of all great loving relationships.
7. The couple in love values their mutual sense of responsibility for each other.
People in love care for each other in ways that they have never cared for another human being. They feel a sense of responsibility for another person that they have never felt before. It feels so good to put another’s needs above your own. To do so is to love deeply.
The Core Values of all successful loving relationships are at the heart of the matter. If you and your mate master these values, your love will, in all probability, last a lifetime. What a Valentine’s Day gift that would be!
Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage, particularly on Valentine’s Day. Love well!
Read How to Marry the Right Guy, to find out if the man you think you are in love with is marriage material.
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
* Creating a %0A” rel=”nofollow”>successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your relationship work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, as love and marriage experts we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed throughout the world and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

As our many readers know, we have been studying successful marriage and relationships for nearly three decades. And frankly, one of the most important questions we get asked is, How will I know if this is true love? The answer is simpler than you think. In the end, there are Seven Tests of True Love. read more

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Here is an undeniable truth about life – actions speak louder than words! We know, you’ve heard this all before! But the truth is, you can, and must, judge a man by his actions and not by his words! read more

Law of Attraction: Activating Your Desire and Attention

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like and that what you focus your attention on will expand. It is in operation whether we hold a positive or a negative thought. People working their way through the divorce process are often flooded with thoughts and feelings they don’t want. Using words like don’t, not or no puts focus and energy on the things we do not want to have in our lives. For example, having the thought of I don’t want to be hurt again keeps your awareness on being hurt. This makes it more likely that you will continue to attract the situations or relationships where you will feel hurt.
According to expert Michael Losier, there are some main steps to activating the Law of Attraction:
*Identify Your Desire
*Give Your Desire Attention
*Allow or Receive That Which You Desire
First: Identify Your Desire
Most people don’t get what they want simply because they are not clear on what they do want. Divorce, for all of its emotional upheaval, is actually a wonderful opportunity to get clear on what you do want. You’ve experienced enough negatives or disappointments that have brought your relationship to an end. Why not use the specific examples of what didn’t work in your relationship to get you crystal clear on what you do want for future relationships?
Here’s how to get started to on step one and identify what you desire. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship and name some of the elements that didn’t work for you. Was there betrayal? Disrespect? Lack of cooperation? Was it hard to communicate openly? A lack of common interests? Usually people can very quickly come up with an impressive list of what they don’t want!
Instead of feeling defeated by all of the ingredients in your relationship that didn’t work, turn them to your advantage. For each item on your list, identify the opposite characteristic. Ask yourself, what do I want? For example, if betrayal is something you don’t want, the opposite could be honesty.” Difficult to communicate becomes open, effortless communication. As you work your way through the list, write the flip-side of the negative characteristic you want to leave behind so you can get clear on what you do want. Then cross the negative quality off your list and start to put your attention on what you do want!
Second: Give it Attention
If you’ve completed step one, you should have created a fairly inspiring list of all the qualities you do want. It’s time to keep your focus and attention on what you want to attract.
In their book, Ask and it is Given, Esther and Jerry Hicks call this second step The Universe answers. Your job is simply to make your desire known and keep your focus on that. They say, All things that you ask for, large and small, are immediately understood and fully offered, without exception. So this part of the process is actually
out of your hands.
Creating a desire statement is a powerful way to keep your attention on it. Put together some of the qualities you want to attract into a short statement. Affirmations, usually stated in the present tense as if you already have what you desire, aren’t all they are cracked up to be. Affirming “I have an amazing, passionate relationship” when that’s not yet true for you can raise doubts and negative thoughts instead of positive vibrations. Use the phrase I am in the process of… as a way to manage your inner dialogue while you are still in the process of attracting your desire. For example, if you are still single, using the statement I am in the process of attracting an amazing, passionate relationship is more accurate and believable. This allows you to more easily maintain a positive focus on what you want.
Third: Allowing or Receiving that which you Desire
This is critical to your success at using the Law of Attraction and it’s the step which is least understood. Pull all the parts of the Law of Attraction together as a powerful tool to thrive after divorce.
Take Action!
1. Make a list of at least 15 things you experienced in your divorce that you don’t want to have in your future.
2. Flip ‘em. For each negative characteristic, ask yourself what you do want instead and get clear on the qualities you DO want.
3. Put together a short desire statement and use that to keep your focus positive. Use the phrase I’m in the process of… to help you anchor your belief. Post it up somewhere so you’ll see it often.

Finding The Right Person To Marry

Finding The Right Person To Marry
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
“the marriage doctors”
Authors of the Best Relationship Book of 2008 INDIE Book Awards Gold Medal Winner
Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage
Available at GoldenAnniversaries.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and at Bookstores
On July 6, Maureen Down wrote an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times entitled, “An Ideal Husband.” Let us say up front that we do not often share the views of Ms. Dowd as we believe her musings tend to be on both the negative and the cynical sides of life, and as you know, we take a much more positive approach when we talk about love and relationships. So what did she say that has us riled? Here’s what.
In her article, Ms. Dowd extensively quotes Father Pat Connor, a 79-year old Catholic priest, born in Australia and based in Bordentown, New Jersey, on his views about finding the ideal husband. In summary here are the thoughts of Father Connor:
1. “Never marry a man who has no friends,”
2. “Does he use money responsibly?
3. “Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to
4. “Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings?
5. “Does he have a sense of humor?
6. “A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.
The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.
7. “Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him.
8. “Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being – the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous?
Father Connor concludes by saying, “After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: ‘But you’ve eliminated everyone!’ Life is unfair.”
On the surface, all of this seems fun – it seems like good advice. But here is where the Father and Maureen Dowd go wrong – while some of the advice seems good at first glance it has five primary problems:
1. It is not based on any research that would support the notions expounded by the Father (Some of the ideas seem plausible on the surface, but do not pass the research test).
2. It makes love sound like it is some kind of litmus test – some kind of quiz you give to the one you are falling in love with. (Trust us, a quiz of someone you purport to love about these ideas could be a real turnoff!).
3. It belittles and disparages men – it makes it sound as if love is only a one-way street
(i.e., she decides as if HE has no choice in the matter).
4. At the risk of offending some of our readers – a celibate priest is not the best
judge of what makes for a successful marriage.
5. And finally, on what basis would you judge his answers to the aforementioned questions?
We have studied successful marriage for over 25 years. We report our findings in our new book entitled, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (©2008). Of the many discoveries we have made over the years, we know this – finding the one you want to marry is not as simple as Father Connor and Maureen Dowd would like for you to believe. There are no simple questions to ask or elixirs to take. And frankly, with regard to the eight ways that are suggested to find the right husband, what are those answers supposed to be? How do we determine the right answers?
More than anything, finding the one you want to marry is, in the end, a matter of the heart. We believe there are better ways to determine if you have found the right person to marry and if you will read our article entitled How Will I Know I Am In Love? you will find out what they are.
Here are some simple truths:
1. Many men are shy, some are loners, and many are careful whom they select as friends. That doesn’t mean they have no friends, but could be construed that way by the unknowing person as just that.
2. Using money responsibly is important to a marital relationship, no question about it. On the other hand, how does one define responsible use of money? Remember, what is good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. In a successful marriage, financial decisions are shared decisions. The successfully married couple ultimately decides what the standard for responsible use of money is.
3. As to running someone’s life, what exactly does that mean? Do not mistake accommodation and acquiescence to your desires as a weakness in a man. Most men have learned to pick and choose their battles. More often than not, when it matters, he will stand up to your demands. Letting you have your way is not a weakness, it is usually a sign of respectfulness from a man. Don’t misinterpret his meaning.
4. Virtually all good men love their mothers. Big deal! And frankly, the old adage that men marry their mothers is in many ways true. Their mother’s nurtured them, loved them, cared for them, held their hand, and supported them in time of need. Men could count on their mother’s trust. The notion of an apron string is, in fact, mythical in most cases.
5. A good humor is a fine trait in a man. But on the other hand, dismissing everything important with humor is not necessarily a good trait. Laughing off things that are serious isn’t funny. Using cutting or biting humor in their interactions with you is not a virtue.
6. We are baffled by the notion that the strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. Where in the world did this notion come from? Many men are quietly strong. Don’t confuse being quiet with being weak. Many men carefully choose their words, promulgate their thoughts before they speak, avoid arguments and heated discussions for fear of escalation. These are not negative characteristics. Sure, communication is at the heart of most loving relationships, but communication is many faceted. Talking is only one form. Remember, judge a man by his actions and not by his words.
7. It is true that it is very hard to change a person when they become an adult. And yes, it is a bad idea to marry someone who is not a man of character and then thinking you can change him into becoming one. On the other hand, imagine all of the men of the world who would have missed out on so many of life’s opportunities if they did not meet a loving, nurturing, and supportive women who helped them become a better person by overcoming their shortcomings. Lost souls find their way many times because of the love of a women. To suggest that women should run away from men who are still finding their way in life is silly – and destructive.
8. Good men do forgive, give praise, and are courteous. But praise for a bad deed, forgiveness for the unforgivable, and courteousness to those who abuse them or cheat on them, are not virtues. And sometimes, men use these traits to get things they don’t deserve. There are no black or whites answers here. In the end, the actions of a man speak far more loudly than his words.
Finding the right person to marry is not simple and there are no magic answers. The love between two people develops differentially, of that you can be sure. But in the end, being in love is the prerequisite to everything in a marital relationship. If you understand when you are truly in love all things are possible.
Love well!

A Guide to Finding If Mr. Right is Right for Me

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
How will I know when I find Mr. Right? What if I am making a big mistake? Is he really the ONE, or should I walk away? These are critical questions women must ask themselves when they try to decide whether to move on with a serious relationship or whether to they decide to move on to find the real Mr. Right.
In our three decades of research about successful love and relationships, we have learned lots of answers to the most commonly asked questions about this subject. As our loyal readers know, we are passionate about our work. We have spent half our lives in search of great marriages and relationships around the world. It has been our labor of love.
Our research has taught us much. At the top of the list are the seven ways to know if Mr. Right is the right one for you.
1. Actions speaks louder than words! Always remember this – it is not what someone says that matters. It is how they act. If Mr. Right says one thing and does another, beware! If Mr. Right kicks the dog and tells you how much he loves dogs, beware! If Mr. Right tells you how much he loves you and then disrespects you, beware! Know this – many people who think they are in love, are often confronted with this reality – Mr. Right does not act like Mr. Right; Mr. Right does not practice what he purports; and Mr. Right demonstrates in many ways the hypocrisy that guides his behavior. Don’t be fooled just because you are in love with being in love!
2. The Donuts always tell the truth! You say, what in the world are they talking about? Here it is in a nutshell. You and Mr. Right go to a donut shop to buy donuts. He asks, What kind of donut would your like? You say, I’d like a chocolate covered chocolate and a glazed donut. He brings you a French cruller and a cinnamon covered donut! He takes you to a movie and asks – What would you like to see? You say, The Help or Crazy Stupid Love. He buys tickets for Rise of the Planet Apes. You get the point. Mr. Right respects you so little he believes that you don’t know what you like! Go figure.
3. He is always first in line! You stop to have lunch at your local fast-food restaurant with Mr. Right. Your mother and father are with you. You arrive at the restaurant. He is first in the door. He does not hold open the door for you and your family to enter the restaurant, and he is the first to order! He is likely to wait for you or your parents to pay for the meal. When the meal is over, he expects you to clean up the mess left at the table. He is the first out of the door. Beware of the warning signs! This is not the man you want to marry!
4. He is in the habit of telling you something that isn’t quite true. Your trust in Mr. Right is waning. Your heart (your intuition) is beginning to tell you he is not truthful with you on the things that matter to you. You catch him in lies and distortions, from time to time. He tells you he is going one place and ends up going to another. Mr. Right is starting to make you feel uncomfortable about your relationship with him. He is starting to cause you to question his honesty. He turns out to be, in the end, someone you could no longer trust. Isn’t trust at the heart of all loving relationships?
5. You do NOT tingle at the presence of Mr. Right anymore! There was a time in your relationship when he excited you, made you feel special, made you tingle at the sight of him. But now, you find him to be just another ordinary man – a man without feeling, a man without emotion, and a man who no longer excites you or makes you feel special. There is no doubt about this – feeling positive emotion in a relationship is a pre-requisite to a healthy and happy one. When you no longer have intense feelings for Mr. Right, probably time to move on.
6. Mr. Right turns out to be a fraud! You trusted him, you loved him, and you thought he was at the center of the your universe. Then something happened. He started to disappoint you with his words, deeds, and actions. You could no longer predict his responses, reactions, or the positions he took. He was all over the board. And in the end, you discovered that he was, indeed, a fraud. He had no moral compass, no convictions, no sense of right and wrong, and no emotional center. You are no longer sure of who he actually is. Frankly, you are beginning to wonder if Mr. Right is really the Mr. Right he pretended to be.
7. Mr. Right thinks Sex is the most important part of your relationship! Our research over the years has taught us many lessons about the importance of sex in a relationship. In the early stages of a developing relationship, sex seems very important. But here is the real deal – the successfully married couples we have interviewed in 46 countries on six of the world’s seven continents tell us this – on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high, the importance of sex to the overall success of their marriage as 6.2 on a 10-point scale. This finding does not in any way minimize the importance of sex. It does, however, put it all in perspective. It is not the most important part or sole determiner of a healthy and successful relationship. Don’t be fooled if Mr. Right tells you that your submissiveness in sex is the most important element to the success of your relationship, you know it is time to move on. Sex is fun, but it does not define a successful marriage or relationship. Take that to the bank.
Mr. Right is not always right for you. Sometimes, it takes awhile to discover the truth. However, if you review and understand these seven simple signs of trouble, you will be in a great position to discover if Mr. Right is right for you.
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For hundreds of tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

Great Love Cannot Be Rushed

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. This marvelous quote by Jonathan Carroll is from Outside the Dog Museum.
Too often, when a person feels the early signs of a loving relationship they move too fast and scare away the one they are falling in love with. Or worse yet, they so desperately want to be in love and be loved that they miss important clues to the real feelings of the one they think they love.
During our thousands of interviews with successfully married couples, we have repeatedly heard this advice—go slow in the beginning. As love and marriage experts for over 30 years, we can tell you that this advice cannot be ignored.
You’ve heard the old expression, Rome wasn’t built in a day. One thing for certain—neither was love. It develops over time. It requires patience. It requires self-examination. And it most certainly requires you to run slowly across fields until you find the proper footing, lest you fall down!
Recently, someone sent us a copy of a beautiful essay entitled Letters To My Son”
by Kent Nerburn. Our favorite passage is excerpted below:
Here is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long
without love, they understand love only as a need. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as
their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They forget that the
secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to
grow only by giving it away.
The message here should be clear—love is a gift you give to someone, and if you are lucky, they give it back in return. You need to step back and make sure that you feel good about giving your love away. That requires being honest with yourself about what you are feeling and what you are giving away to another human being. Accepting true love takes courage. And trust. And time.
To be truly in love is to dash across the field of lilies on a beautiful spring morning unafraid to fall down as you leap into the arms of the one you love and who loves you. As love and marriage experts, we suggest you go, be in love if you are ready to give away your gift of love to another human being.
Creating a %0A” rel=”nofollow”>successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts .
Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.
you witness the signs, take action. Save your relationship if you can. Having a healthy and happy marriage is one of the great success stories of life. It is not too late to save your marriage.
In love and marriage the simple things matter. Love well!
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Lie, Steal and Cheat Your Way to Love

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
Okay, we admit it – our favorite new love-story movie is Leap Year (2010). We simply love the movie and have now watched it three times! The movie speaks to many of the research findings we have found over the three decades we have researched successful marriage and relationships on six of the world’s seven continents.
We are particularly enamored with the movie because it is filmed in Ireland and we recently spent a week there interviewing successfully married couples. Ireland is a beautiful country with wonderful people. We took a ton of photos, and many of our photos were of places featured in the movie.
If you are interested, you can see the iTunes movie trailer for Leap Year.
A number of the scenes in the movie are places we visited during our stay in the Emerald Isle described in one of our blogs from Ireland.
One of our favorite lines in the movie went something like this – Can you lie, cheat, and steal your way to love. And before you start getting all worked up over this line, we offer you the punch line that went like this – you can lie if you lie next to me; you can steal if you steal my heart; and you can cheat if you cheat death.
We have to admit to loving those notions! And here is what they mean in a nutshell.
1. You can lie if you lie next to me. The notion we have discovered about great marriages around the world is the essence of great love – two people in love join together to form one without losing their individual identities. Make no mistake about it, when you find the person of your dreams you will always want to be with them and have them by your side. There is something wonderful and remarkable about having a soulmate – about having someone who lies next to you while you sleep – someone who makes you feel secure and cozy because you share a bed with someone you love completely and who loves you unconditionally.
2. You can steal if you steal my heart. Being in love requires one to be vulnerable. Let’s face it; giving of yourself to another human being without conditions and with great vulnerability is not an easy thing to do! But one thing is for certain – when you fall in love completely, and you do it for a lifetime, you will do it without conditions. Stealing someone’s heart and having someone steal yours is one of the great heists of life! Enjoy it!
3. You can cheat if you cheat death. One of the important lessons we have learned in our research over this years is this – successfully married people cannot imagine life without their spouse. Near the end of our interview protocol we ask this question, Can you imagine life without your spouse? The answer is always the same – NO! People in love for a lifetime know that their life is only complete when they are with their spouse. They know that their life cannot continue to be complete without spending it with the one they have loved for a lifetime. Death changes everything! People in love want to cheat death for as long as they can because life is unimaginable without each other.
You see, you can lie, cheat, and steal in your marriage – under the proper conditions, of course!
Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
2009 Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

What Does Love Look Like?

What Does Love Look Like?
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
“the marriage doctors”
Award Winning Authors of the NEW Hardback Book
Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage
Makes a GREAT Wedding or Anniversary Gift
Also available at Amazon.com and your local bookstore.
We have written extensively over the years about love and relationships. Our recent book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, chronicles the lives of happily married couples that have been married for three or more decades. Our many articles for SelfGrowth.com have described different aspects of love. Our article How Will I Know I am in Love, traveled around the world several times and was even translated into Chinese!
And while we have written about how you will know you are in love, about how you will feel when you are in love, about the importance of the human touch in expressing love, and about how love sounds, we haven’t yet shared our observations and findings about what love looks like until today! So here goes.
When we interview successfully married couples we spend a lot of time observing them while we listen carefully to what they say. We record our observations. We make note of what we see. Oh, what they say is important, but what we see is even more so.
We have discovered that you can learn much about love from observing two people in love. So what does love look like? What do two people in love say through their interactions with the one they love? When you observe couples in love, how do they act? How do they interact? What do their actions tell you about their love for each other? Well, here’s something to think about.
People in love can be observed:
Listening to each other intently; holding hands while they walk or sit; touching each other often; teasing each other in playful ways; smiling at each other; hugging each other; sharing a meal from the same plate; opening doors for each other; putting their arms around each other; talking to each other with full eye contact; sitting together touching each other; sharing the care of their children; picking up each other’s plates and meal residue after eating at fast food restaurants; and walking next to each other.
The way people in love gaze at each other – the way they look lovingly at each other – the knowing glances they share with each other—tells you they are in love. There is a look to love.
These are just a few of the telltale signs of people in love. We bet you can name more, but the important point to remember is that it is hard to fake love. People, who observe people in love or those just pretending to be in love, know the difference! There is without a doubt a look of love.
So, friends, our message about love being an accumulation of the little things should come through loud and clear again. You can’t fake love. True love can be seen, felt, observed, and heard. Keep these simple things in mind next time you think about love.
We close with the words of Burt Bacharach in his very popular song, The Look of Love.
I can hardly wait to hold you

Feel my arms around you

How long I have waited

Waited just to love you

Now that I have found you

Don’t ever go”
There is no doubt – you can SEE love. You can’t hide it. You can’t fake it. You can’t fool those who observe your relationship with each other.
To love is to show your love by your actions. To say you are in love doesn’t count for much unless you show your love. To look like love is, more often than not, to be in love.
Love well!

When Dating for Marriage it’s Values, Values, Values!

Perhaps you have heard that in business it’s all about location, location, location! However, this dating coach believes that for relationships, it’s all about values, values and values! What do I mean about values? Let me explain:
Your values are what you treasure. It’s what you hold dear. When your values are not aligned with someone or something, you will feel discourse and out of sorts. I can’t stress how important it is to have a list with a detailed description of your values so you can adjust your love radar connection in the right direction.
As a dating coach I have observed for many of my clients that their love connection radar is off and they are choosing the inappropriate people to date based upon the wrong criteria. When you adjust your love connection radar through your values, you will make better choices for yourself and you will recognize a good potential mate sooner than later.
So how do your values help you with finding that special person? Let me share with you this dating coach’s 3 Step Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets System:

* First CLARIFY WHO would be a good match for you.
Once you have a detailed description list of your values written out, then you have to figure out which ones are your PERSONAL VALUES and which are your RELATIONSHIP VALUES. Your RELATIONSHIP VALUES need to be aligned with your life partner and your PERSONAL VALUES need to be supported by your partner.
* Next FOCUS on WHERE to go to find people who share your core RELATIONSHIP VALUES.
You will be able to figure out where you are going to meet people who share your values? You will find that you will connect with people because you share similar values. For instance, if you have a value around giving back to your community, you may find singles’ volunteer opportunities so you can meet other single people who feel the same desire. Also, it’s important to express your values in your online dating profile so you will attract the right people to your profile! Moreover, you can tell the connectors in your life WHO you are looking for based upon these RELATIONSHIP VALUES so they can easily think about who they know to introduce you to that would be a great match.
* Last, your RELATIONSIP VALUES will SOLIDIFY your CONNECTION to your romantic partner.
By honoring your CORE RELATIONSHIP values, you have the glue that will keep you together during the ups and downs of a relationship. When you share and support one another’s values, you both get one another and find that you have an appreciative, supportive, respectful and caring partner. This will give you the best chance for your future happiness in your romantic love partnership. By disregarding your RELATIONSHIP VALUES you are missing the one thing that can make dating easier so you can determine who is a good fit, as well as, a way to kindly pass on those who don’t share your core VALUES.
What criteria are you utilizing to evaluate a potential mate for continued dating? This curious dating coach would like to know!
Coach Amy
PS. If you would like to learn more about how to utilize your values to find and solidify true love, go to www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com and let’s talk about how we can best uncover your PERSONAL and RELATIONSHIP VALUES in support of your quest to find your Motivated to Marry Mate!

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Oh, the times, they are a-changing! This refrain is from a very famous Peter, Paul, and Mary song. And the truth is, people are finding love in different ways than they did is year’s past. Online dating is a reality today. read more

Ways To Confess Your Love For Your Boyfriend

It is not uncommon to feel nervous when it comes time to confess your love to your boyfriend or husband. You have waited an eternity to meet someone this amazing and you are scared that you might blow it.You can handle rejection just fine.  You probably realise that he loves you as much as you love him.  It is understandable that you fear it not being as special as you want it to be.First, relax.  Real life is often very different to Hollywood movies and TV shows.  Keep in mind that fireworks will not explode by itself after you confess your love.  Your man is not even expecting it.What is he expecting?Romance?  Fun?  For you to be yourself?Now relax, take a deep breath and see if any of these ideas will help inspire you with ideas on how to say I love you to the man you love.Idea Number one on saying I love you.Go the traditional route.  Plan a wonderful meal.  If you are a good to exceptional cook, you can do the work yourself.   If you can’t cook, buy the food all ready prepared for you. The table should be set in a romantic manner.  Bring out the candles and your best china.   Now play some soft background music.  Keep an eye on the mood of the night and when you feel that the timing is right, just tell him how much you love him.Idea Number two on saying I love you.Do you and your man have a special spot that you share?  It could be the place you met or where you went on your first date.  This special place could even be an amusement park or where your favorite team plays.Visit this place together.   During the normal conversation, stop.  Take your man’s hand.  Look deep into his eyes.  Tell him how much you have been enjoying the night and finally tell him that you love him.Idea Number three on saying I love you.Wait until the end of  the next perfect date with your man.  Kiss him goodnight.  The kiss has to be long and passionate.  As you linger, still standing within his arms look at him in the eyes and say I love you.Fourth idea for confessing your love.Okay, you are not brave enough to say the words straight out, you need a little help.  There are also some more subtle and shy approaches.Send your guy some flowers.  If you think your guy is the type of guy who would appreciate you sending them to his work, do so.  He might like the idea of his coworkers seeing how lucky he is.  Now attached a handwritten note and say something cute like, just trying to get the guts to say I love you.If you think that flowers are just too much, you could try sending an e-card.  You can find tons of these across the internet.  Look for one with an awesome eye appeal.  It is important to make sure that the point is put across and it is not too funny.Saying I love you to this man who you feel is the man of your dreams can be liberating.  You may well blossom the relationship for the future.

Understanding Male Psychology Will Help Get Him Back And Fall In Love With You

Eighty percent of men are distancers and 80% of women are pursuers. Women have 10-15 times more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) than men, and men have 10 times more testosterone (go-getter hormone) than women: so based on that chemical proportion alone, it’s obvious women need more closeness than what most men can give. At least when we understand this, we will be less inclined to feel abandoned or think of worst case scenarios.
He’s Really That Into You, If Only You Knew How to Inspire Him To Emotionally Attach to You
The female brains are also 35% more active than the male brains that make us compulsive thinkers. And since our natural tendency is to focus on relationship(s), most of our thoughts naturally revolve around our partners (families). We think much faster than men when it comes to relationship and coupled with capacity for emoting to the highest degree, we always tend to find something needs fixing in that department at any given moment that drives men nuts. Men just can’t keep up with our inherent and urgent needs for “connection.” We work under very different timetables and clocks (their clocks are probably broken).
Men, on the other hand, as the primordial hunters have their priorities set millions of years ago in their genes; i.e. achieving, providing, protecting, going after status in their community. Canoodling, cooing and cuddling, while serving a purpose when their mind is set to it, can only take place when everything else about being a man is taken cared of.
In other words: men can’t focus on their relationship when they are unhappy with their work, while women can’t focus on their work when they are unhappy with their relationship.
I know What You Think: Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Is He Just Not That Into You?
So you see how we can’t be more “mismatched” and it’s no surprise we have all the typical problems in relationship. But it really doesn’t have to be that way. I think, exactly because we are so different we are attracted to each other, in a sense we complete each other like the yin and yang symbol of the Taoist.
Understanding this, now we know that guys are always much slower than women: they need their space before they have the urge to come to us. So to make them miss you more really means to be fun when you’re around him and be less available in between. Nice but not overly nice that he becomes lazy and starts taking you for granted.
Every relationship needs the balancing act of pursuing and distancing to function. Play the dynamics of distancer and pursuer to your advantage (we are both in different times/circumstances). We can practice performing this dance harmonically when we understand the basic make-up that makes men men and women women.
To understand what makes men tick: what attract and repel them, you need to learn the secret of being a high-value woman that he seeks after.
What Is A High-Value Woman And How To Become One So He Can’t Resist Committing To You?
You will learn the ultimate solution to the puzzle why he disappears or break up with you and what you can do to prevent that once and for all.
However, if you have broken up with your beloved, don’t despair because you can still get him back by implementing the advice above and use this tool to get your love life back on track:
Learn to Read A Man Reverse Your Breakup

The Importance Of Taking A Marriage Compatibility Test

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with your partner or how in love you are with each other, you are bound to have differences in certain areas. As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure and for this reason I think it is absolutely necessary for couples to complete a marriage compatibility test. Why take chances?

Avoiding unnecessary conflict and areas that may cause friction is a smart move and completing a compatibility test can help a lot with that. Asking a 100 questions before marriage about seemingly unimportant topics can just make sure that you really know each other and don’t get any nasty surprises after you’re married.

If you get your foundation right by taking the free marriage compatibility test it may help ensure a long and happy relationship. This is something most people dream about so why not go prepared and get the nitty-gritty out of the way beforehand?

I know at the moment you’re not even thinking about anything unsettling happening, but keep in mind that you will be spending a lot of time with your partner for many, many years and you cannot possibly see eye to eye on every single subject. You may feel like everything will always be fine with the two of you but unfortunately it doesn’t often happen that way. It’s against all odds.

It just makes sense to rather go prepared by taking the marriage compatibility test and make sure you really know your partner inside out. Know about even the small, seemingly insignificant things. Or rather – especially the small insignificant things! It’s amazing how big a fight a little thing can cause. A marriage needs a lot of work and by preventing an unnecessary quarrel you could have spent your energy on other areas of your marriage that needs work.

For instance: Do you for instance know if your partner likes ice-cream or football? Does he or she like to entertain or rather spend a quiet night at home? Would you like to find out years after you’ve been married that he or she was a drug addict or sex offender? I didn’t think so. You could have know this beforehand if you’ve asked a 100 questions before marriage or taken the free marriage compatibility test.

Nobody can know your desires, feelings and thoughts but you and your partner can get to know each other better by completing questions on different subjects together. It can be a lot of fun actually and maybe you should look at it that way. The main objective is to discover and follow up on little known facts about your partner that will provide a way to spoil the special person in your life.

Together is the keyword here. Personally I believe that there are so many divorces nowadays because couples don’t do things together anymore. They’re married but each go their own way. Hanging out with their respective friends but hardly ever together. Why did you get married then?

There’s enough sadness and heartache in the world as it is. If you can take this one little step to avoid disillusionment and pain then please take it. This shouldn’t take long but if it does you will still benefit from it in the long run. Invest in your married life – Make it a priority to take the marriage compatibility test as soon as possible.

Tips Worth Studying Before Reuniting With An Ex Spouse

Your marriage could have hit some rough patches, and now you and your partner are not as one any longer, but you soon notice that breaking up with your ex wife or ex husband was the wrong thing for you to do. Such a situation places you in a big dilemma particularly if you have no clue tips on how to win back your previous husband or ex wife. Thankfully enough, you can start by first figuring out if it’s even plausible to get back as one with your previous spouse.

Here are a couple of issues that it is best to take into consideration when trying to determine how you can get back together with your previous spouse, and if you wish to reunite together. Take the time to carefully think through each and every one of them in order that you know that reuniting back as one with your ex husband or ex wife is the perfect thing for you to do.

Why Did You Break Up?

Confirming the reason as to why your marriage failed is an important thing you will need to do first before you even consider getting back your ex spouse. Occasionally, small issues that can simply be solved by just getting together and spending some time to resolve it by talking it out, could possibly be the reason for your breakup. If that’s the case, then winning back your previous partner should not be an enormous hurdle. But in case your breakup was caused by some huge and critical matter that makes getting back virtually impossible, then reuniting back would most likely not be the very best solution as for now.

What Is Your Purpose Behind Reuniting as one?

Is there an ok motive as to why you wish to get back as one with your ex spouse? Keep asking yourself that and see what kind of reason you’ll come up with. If the rationale you need your previous partner back does put anyone into harms way, then perhaps you shouldn’t desire to make up together with your ex spouse.

Consider Your Children

Did you have children with your previous partner? In the event you did, then it is vital to also think about them in case you intend to make up together with your ex spouse. Always keep in mind that the kids you have together with your ex partner shall be affected by whatever choices you make, so you can’t ignore them and do whatever you like.

Know the Significance of Communication

When you are making up together with your ex partner, you need to be certain that the both of you don’t have any problem communicating with one another. Give the time to sit down and discuss to one another about all the problems and potential solutions that you both have to take as a way to make certain that you can get back as one without any issues. Talking about these things can actually assist both of you to make a determination as to whether getting back together would be best for your loved ones or not.

Winning your previous spouse back to your side will be easy if you understand what you must do, what you have to look out for and what you have to avoid. But when you do decide to make up with your previous spouse, take the time to carefully think about it because it would very well be one of the most essential decisions you may ever make in your life.

The Perfect Gift In A Courtship

What is the best kind of gift to give when your courting someone? Firstly, what is courting? Well, according to professionals, courting or courtship is traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval. Today’s practice of courtship is usually done for fun, unlike in earlier centuries where young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. But question still remains, what kind of Gifts Philippines is the best when courting someone?

Professionals in the field have studied the culture surrounding courtship today, and one tip they would usually say is that, in courtship, its best not to put out too much money, this tip especially goes for the men. This is because some women (in some cases, men) are just out trying to have some fun, which are not usually looking for a serious relationship or commitment. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to spend any cash on them. Though dating is much easier for the financially free people, dating can be a challenge for the financially challenged people, especially for those that are still going to school. So what tip does our professionals can give us??

One tip is to set a budget. Knowing your limits is one of the keys to successfully having a date while keeping your money in-check. So what kind of Gifts Philippines would be perfect for the tight budgetted fellow? A flower is still considered as one of the most popular gifts in courtship. There are several reasons for this:

* One: is because flowers are much cheaper than any other kinds of gifts perfect of dating, and;
* Two: flowers are beautiful.

Other than its beauty and pocket-wise price, flowers have also been one of the few traditional gifts given in a traditional courtship. This is because, other than its elegance, beauty, and aromatic scent, flowers have been known as a way for someone to express their deepest emotion through action. This is the reason why many men give flowers as gifts to their loved ones. Also, there are many kinds of Gifts Philippines shops around the country that could provide the perfect gift for a date without spending too much cash.Visit the website http://www.flowersexpress.com.ph.

Things To Say To An Ex Boyfriend – Leave Him Wanting More

You’ve been coming up with lists of things that you want to say to your ex boyfriend ever since you broke up. When the time actually comes, however, you seem to be stumbling over your words and every thought you had went flying out the window. Things to say to your ex boyfriend – Instead of hanging up on him in embarrassment, make sure you’re prepared by following the below listed guidelines to steer the conversation in a positive, fulfilling direction.
A complete solution to help you get your ex back into your life is provided at the end of this write-up (Author’s Bio), meanwhile let’s build the foundation.
Your emotional state is a lot more important than you may think. If you are holding onto resentments or frustration over the breakup, you simply need to get over it in whatever way possible. Ignore it, squash it and get it out of your mind. You can’t wallow in self-pity anymore if you genuinely have feelings for this guy and you want a lasting, long-term relationship.
I want my boyfriend back – Any unpleasant emotions are going to be apparent in what you do and what you say to your ex boyfriend- and while your ex may be oblivious to a lot of things, he won’t be oblivious to that. That also means cutting out any trash-talking directed at your ex from your circle of friends. They think they’re helping you but in the long run they’re causing a lot more damage and it’s going to eventually take its toll.
Once you’ve cleared your head and refocused on what’s really important, your ex-boyfriend is going to immediately be aware of a change. How to get a boyfriend back – While it may seem subtle to you, it will seem like anything but subtle to most guys – including your ex. An upbeat, happy and self-assured woman is one of the most attractive people on the planet to the large majority of the opposite sex. By exuding these traits (and meaning them) you can guarantee that you’re going to be getting a lot of attention. Don’t succumb to the negativity – get up and get moving. You may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
Whether or not your ex-boyfriend is willing to admit it, he’s counting on his ability to win you back – if his other options fall short. Guys want to feel like they are wanted, just like girls do. If that underlying belief is shaken, their whole tower of self-confidence starts to crumble from the inside out. How to get my boyfriend back – You can speed up the process by refusing any and all contact with your ex. Once he knows he can’t text you out of the blue and find out who you’re with and what you’re doing, he’s left with his own imagination – and that can be your biggest ally. The more effectively you can avoid him, the more drawn to you he’ll be until he’s forced to come out in the open and make a real effort to get in touch.
If you’ve only maintained your silence for a day or two and you suddenly get a text message from your ex-boyfriend, it’s working – but now is not the time to crack. Give yourself some room to work by extending the no-contact policy for at least a few weeks. Stuff to say to your ex boyfriend – Texts and emails simply aren’t going to cut it. If you want to establish a real, meaningful connection you need to actually speak and that means he has to call you. He will – it’s only a matter of time.
No guy wants to believe that breaking up with their ex puts them in a bad position. Guys often think that their possibilities are limitless – until they try to go after them. Something to say to your ex boyfriend – Then they start to get the message that they can’t really have anything or anyone whenever they want. When they realize that may extend to you, panic ensues. Getting your ex to believe that you may be out of reach is one of your biggest advantages.
Not only are you potentially out of reach, but you’re busy with your own life as well. When he does decide to call you, act like he’s interrupting something but not to the point of being rude. You want to keep the conversation as brief as possible without rushing him off the phone. You don’t want to ooze happiness to hear from him, but you don’t want to put him off by acting like it’s a huge inconvenience either. Your word of the day is balance. What to say to get my ex boyfriend back – Use it to your advantage. By allowing him to talk and mainly listening, you can avoid embarrassing verbal diarrhea and say something you don’t mean or didn’t mean to spill out. If he’s calling you, he should have a reason. Ultimately, the conversation rests on him.
Make sure you tell your ex that hearing from him is a good thing, this is one of the things you should say to your ex boyfriend. Make yourself seem interested without overwhelming him by asking how things are going or how he’s been. From there on out, the next two to three minutes are all his. This call needs to be the epitome of short and sweet, however. Allowing it to drag on is not going to be beneficial so after a few minutes, let him know you have other plans and that you really have to take off – but maybe you can speak again later.
If he presses you for a time or place to talk again, let him know that you’re willing but don’t set it up yourself. He may even go so far as to ask what your plans are. If he does, it’s a big indication that he’s not over you completely. Keep your story simple without going into detail. After you hang up, go out and do something to relax to get your mind off the phone call and refocus on the next time.
You may have not felt this confident in a long time – and your ex is feeling anything but. Take a moment to bask in the afterglow and realize what’s happening in your ex-boyfriends head at this very moment. Not only is he in a bad position that he never expected to find himself in, but he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel. He always thought he could go back to you if the situation called for it. Now that the situation calls for it, you seem out of reach.
Appearing unavailable and busy will make you nearly irresistible and your ex is going to take the bait. He is no longer riding on top of the world thinking he can have anything he wants. He’s realizing that he wants you – but you seem to be slipping out of his grasp. That means something has to be done before you’re gone completely.
Before you talk to your ex, you need to work on your self-confidence. By coming off assertive and in-control, you’re not going to fall for his games anymore. The less you say, the more alluring you’ll be and that’s like dangling candy in front of a baby – at least in your ex’s eyes.
Your Next Steps
The things you say to your ex boyfriend is crucial if you want to reunite. You also have to be aware of the no contact rule to make sure that he wants to call you and encourage continued contact. There are also some powerful get him strategies that you should be implementing to gain his attention again.
Do you want to know how he really feels about you? Then you should be on the lookout for signs he still likes you. He will be subconsciously giving off signals that he doesn’t even know about, you should spot them to learn the real truth. Visit blog link at Author’s Bio for highly effective tips for an ex boyfriend and get him falling in love with you over again.

Do you like one of the girls on your Facebook friend’s list? Here are five simple hints on how to communicate with a girl on Facebook, and make her to like you back.

Having friend with girls that you like is so much easier due to the emergence of several social networking sites. One of these popular networking sites is Facebook, where chatting and emailing has been combined, making it an ideal place to get to know girls. Here is some of the best advice to help you with how to talk to a girl on Facebook. read more

Secrets to Getting a Scorpio Guy to Like You

The secrets to getting a Scorpio guy to like you are simple; you merely need to know that men born under the sign of the Scorpio may seem very quiet at times but are very emotional. Scorpios are very passionate. Once they fall in love with you; they will love with all they have. You will be the woman of their dreams. If you really want a Scorpio to love you, here are a few things to do to make sure you win his heart.
Tips to Getting a Scorpio Guy to Like You
If you want to catch the eye of a Scorpio, you have to be patient and considerate. Scorpio men do not fall in love quickly. Once they do fall in love, they have a solid love forever. As your partners, they will want to make you feel safe and protected. These men want a woman of whom they can be proud so you definitely want to always look your best.
At all times, you need to be truthful with him and let him know everything. It is best to open up early on in your relationship with him. One of the secrets to getting a Scorpio guy to like you is to be confident. As a woman, you take great pride in knowing who you are, and you do not need another person’s permission to be you. Scorpio men are similar, and they value this strong sense of confidence in their partners.
Scorpio men are not into dating games. When you are ready to settle down and get serious about a relationship, this is when you should be learning the secrets to getting a Scorpio guy to like you. If you are just dating just for experience, then a relationship with a man born under the Scorpio sign will not be the positive relationship that you crave.
If you keep all of this in your mind as you build your relationship with your Scorpio male, then you will know the secrets to getting him to like you. Once he truly likes you, he will be yours forever, and you will be the only woman he ever notices in a romantic sense. If you give your Scorpio guy the love, passion, and truth that he yearns for, then you will forever hold the key to his heart.
For more dating advice for women from Devon, please visit http://HowToGetAManNow.com

Reading Female Body Language Signals – 5 Hot Body Language Signs Of Female Attraction

If you want to know how a woman thinks and feels at any situation, then reading female body language signals is crucial. Whether you’re inviting a woman to a date, or you’re already in a relationship, you can find out what she’s thinking or feeling at any moment if you’re adept in reading her body language signs.
Here are 5 hot and reliable signs to know if a woman is attracted to you.
Reading Female Body Language Signal # 1 – The Eyes
If her eyes are dilated or widely opened, that means she’s interested or may even be sexually attracted to you.
Here’s another way to find out if she likes you. Notice if she looks at you longer-than-usual, glances her eyes away for a while (she may look down or on her sides), and then looks at you again. If she does this repeatedly (especially with a smile on her face), then she’s very attracted to you.
When a woman is excited to see you, you might also notice her eyebrows rise unconsciously.
Reading Female Body Language Signal # 2 – The Lips
By observing a woman’s lip, you’ll know if she fancies you. Some female body language signs that indicate attraction include wetting or massaging her lips with her tongue, softly biting them, and putting on lipstick.
Reading Female Body Language Signal # 3 – The Legs
If she consistently crosses and uncrosses her legs, then this is a clue that she likes you. If she’s massaging and/or exposing her thighs while crossing and uncrossing, then this is a very clear sign of attraction.
However, if she crosses her legs tightly and for a long time, she might be indicating defensiveness. She may be signaling that she’s closed from any potential sexual encounters.
Reading Female Body Language Signal # 4 – The Knees
You can tell if a girl’s interested in you by looking at her knees. If they’re facing you, then that’s a good sign of attraction. If she turns her other body parts towards you as if she wants to focus her attention solely on you, then you just hit the jackpot.
If her knees are pointing towards directions other than yours, then this indicates her disinterest; hence, she wants to get out of the current situation.
Reading Female Body Language Signal # 5 – The Hands
If a woman touches you, then this is a very reliable sign of attraction. Notice that she may not touch you in an obvious manner. She may touch your arm to prove a point or come up with reasons to dust your shirt. But you know better!
Isn’t it fascinating how you can decode what a woman is feeling or thinking by simply reading female body language signals? Now you can do away with the guessing game and start focusing on your romantic adventures.

Magnetically Attract Men- How to Become a Highly Desirable Woman

Women want to unlock the secrets in attracting men not only to achieve success in dating but also to achieve success in their relationships. Knowing the secrets on how to magnetically attract men is important in meeting the guy who might be their mates.
Attracting the opposite sex is an ability that can be learned and you can become a highly desirable woman. It requires a lot of work to magnetically attract men, the following tips can be very helpful if you want to get noticed and attract the man of your dreams.
Be approachable. It is important to let men know that you are approachable. You should send the right signals for men to recognize that you are approachable. A smile is usually the universal language of being friendly and approachable. Engaging in a brief eye contact will make him feel it is okay to talk to you. When in a crowd or group of people, it may also be helpful to distance yourself from your friends for a while because men are usually hesitant to approach women who are surrounded by lots of people for the fear of rejection or humiliation.
Be comfortable with yourself. To attract someone it is important that you feel good about yourself. It can be very hard to magnetically attract men if you are not comfortable with yourself. We all have our flaws but women can be attractive even with their flaws. You can become a highly desirable woman if you are comfortable with what you have and not bitter for not having what others have. It can be very difficult to be with a woman who thinks that she should be thinner, taller, fair-skinned etc. Men are drawn to women who are not insecure, comfortable with themselves and carry themselves well despite of their flaws.
Smart and fun to talk to. Men maybe initially attracted to women’s physical looks but to magnetically attract men, you have to be someone more than looks. To become a highly desirable woman, you have to be smart and fun to talk to. Looks can be deceiving but men will eventually shy away from women who cannot engage in an interesting fun conversation. You do not have to know everything under the sun but you have to be at least capable of showing genuine interest on things he wants to talk about. It is important that you are a wide reader, read the news and continuously improving yourself intellectually. Although men do not expect women to be geniuses, men are really attracted to smart women who can carry out an interesting conversation with them.
Be presentable. Women should always appear gorgeous and presentable. You do not have to be a beauty queen beauty to become a highly desirable woman. You can be a plain looking woman but with the proper grooming and hygiene you can be very attractive. Maintain a pleasant looking face by having well-maintained eyebrows, white teeth and well kept hair. Using lip balms to prevent chopped lips look neat on women. It is also important to know how to apply simple make up to enhance your looks on special occasions. Keep your finger nails and toe nails clean especially if you are fond of wearing open toe shoes. Maintaining a healthy good figure is definitely a plus if you want to magnetically attract men. Choose clothes appropriate for your personality. If you are a naturally simple sweet woman, wearing seductive dress just to impress a man will not look good on you. Although being attractive is not only about physical looks, you cannot disregard your physical looks because being presentable is one part of being attractive. Men will doubt if you can take care of your man if you cannot take care of yourself and your looks.
You can be a woman every man adores.

Love But Not In Love

Often it is the kiss of death.
One says to the other, I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you. The person speaking either wishes for a relationship with someone new or already has it. The I love you phrase often means, I’m not really that angry at you; you’ve got some good qualities. I hope you fare well. Now, don’t try to make me feel guilty for leaving you. The I’m not in love with you phrase usually means, You don’t evoke emotions within me like you once did. I know your good, bad, and uglies. Whatever we had has died and I’m not happy. You’re not what I want, but there must be someone out there that is.
In our turnaround workshop for marriages in crisis, called LovePath 911, I hear this love, not in love sentiment regularly. Often, the spouse saying it is already deeply involved with another person. Sometimes people that have been cheated against say it, not because there is someone else in their lives but because of their hurt and anger. Occasionally, there are those who say it because they simply want to be free from the misery their marriage has become. Whatever the case, when I hear people utter those words I know that they want someone other than their spouse to be their true love. If they are not yet involved with another person, the odds are very high that they will be.
We could explain many reasons why a person evolves from I’m in love with you, to I’m not in love with you. In The Marriage Clinic John Gottman sums it, ‘feeling unloved’ was the most commonly cited reason for wanting a divorce (67% of women)…and sensitivity to being belittled (59% men and women)…We must conclude that most marriages end…[as]the result of people…not feeling liked, loved, and respected.
Did you notice that not feeling liked, loved, and respected part? If the one who should be fulfilling their needs for emotional closeness and being liked, loved, and respected is not doing that, folks become vulnerable to having someone else fulfill those needs. I’m not justifying it, but I do understand it.
So does God.
When Paul gave command that husbands and wives must sexually fulfill each other, he pointed out, so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor 7:2-5) God didn’t justify sexual immorality, but He did predict a person’s vulnerability to it if the marriage isn’t filling that deep-seated human need for sexual fulfillment.
The same goes with other human needs that should be fulfilled in marriage. Gottman reports that most affairs are about seeking friendship, support, understanding, and validation.
Be assured that I am not claiming that all who say, I love you; I’m not in love with you are in affairs as they say it. However, I am saying that quite a few are, and that the others who say it are vulnerable to infidelity or divorce. It’s basic human nature to want an emotional bond with another person that we feel likes, loves, and respects us.
So what does all this mean?
If your spouse says, I’m not in love with you
Believe it.
It’s foolish to shrug that statement off thinking that they are just having a bad day. A much greater likelihood exists that your spouse already has drifted far from you emotionally and either consciously or unconsciously is vulnerable to developing a relationship with someone new.
Get busy now repairing your relationship and getting back on the LovePath. If it’s not too bad yet, there are books that can help, such as my book Your LovePath. If the problems are deeper and you discover that your marriage is in peril, even in early stages of peril, find the help you need to turn it around quickly. Click here to learn about our workshop that can save your marriage.
I’m not trying to panic you, but you need to open your eyes to see if your spouse’s need for like, love, and respect is already being fulfilled by someone else. Look for signs such as:
-Your spouse’s appearance (body shape, fragrances, or dress) has improved recently,
-Money is unaccounted for,
-Time is unaccounted for,
-Cell phone bills are hidden and/or your spouse spends time on the phone where you cannot hear,
-Facebook or email accounts are protected from you,
-Your sex life recently changed (either more or less),
-You discovered that your spouse told you they would be one place and you discover they were in another,
-Your spouse drifts from happiness to sadness to dreaminess to irritableness,
-Your spouse starts telling you that you are crazy or confused,
-Your spouse gets defensive when you ask about a certain person, activity, or time period
-This isn’t a definitive list, but it gives the sense of the matter. Even good people who love Jesus can do stupid things when caught up in the throes of emotion. Don’t be blind.
If your spouse is involved with someone else, you can walk away if you wish. However, if you desire saving your marriage, seek help, no matter how hopeless it may seem. For example, our success rate when working with couples in trouble is that three out of four couples stay married and make their relationship stronger if they attend my workshop. I encourage couples to come even when one of them is madly in love with another. It’s fascinating to watch God’s process that saves three/fourths of those marriages. And, yes, we have the same success rate even if your spouse doesn’t want to be there. If the two of you go through three days with us, you have a great chance to save your marriage and make it good again. If not us, then find someone who can help.
Do not let your marriage die. Most can be resurrected when love has lost its way.
If you say, I’m not in love with you.
(If you are in a relationship with someone else)
If you are already in a relationship with someone that you do not have a right to, we know that you will not end it as long as you can justify it in your mind through whatever rationalization you can muster. Rationalizations are lies you tell yourself. Like all lies, the consequences are bitter.
Be honest with yourself and stop:
-Bringing up your spouse’s failings or shortcomings to justify your involvement with another, (no one’s sins justify you sinning)
-Claiming that God brought you and your paramour together (He doesn’t violate His own commands about adultery and undefiled marriage beds),
-Telling yourself that as long as you don’t cross a certain barrier until you are divorced you are not doing anything wrong (admit that this is a game where you try to manipulate God by following the letter of the law while ignoring the spirit of the law),
-Overcome your own desires and live by integrity.
Integrity is giving up everyone and everything for this rare jewel; I did what was right.
(If you are not in a relationship with someone else).
If you are not in a relationship with another, please consider your vulnerability. Not you, you say? If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall. (1 Cor 10:12)
Rather than living in misery and being susceptible to temptations, fix your marriage now. If your spouse doesn’t want to, then be strong enough to insist. Make yourself heard. Clearly explain your misery, danger, and potential future. Involve your pastor, your spouse’s family, your kids (if old enough), or whatever it takes. If you ignore the situation, it will get worse.
Falling in love is a process. Follow the process and you fall in love whether you mean to or not. Vacate or violate the process and you fall out of love whether you mean to or not. You can be in love again. Anyone can follow the LovePath at any time in life, no matter what state they are in now or what has occurred previously.
If you are no longer ‘in love’ with your spouse, or your spouse is no longer ‘in love’ with you, act now, before it is too late. Get information on my marriage workshop/seminar for troubled marriages. Through this seminar your marriage can be saved even if one (or both) of you is having an affair.

Intimacy: The Resolution of Primal Urges

Intimacy as a dynamic symbolizes the experience and desire to be authentically seen/received for one’s inherent uniqueness: intimacy ~ in-to-me-you-see. As an archetype, the function of intimacy is to unify these quintessential urges within the soul1 through a deep self-acknowledgement and acceptance of Other. These urges are expressions of the fundamental dualism found in creation. Within the human psyche, there is simultaneously the need to discover and explore our individualized Self – indicating a departure from where we come from as a being – and also the need to explore and merge with Other/All – indicating a return back into Source.
The first urge symbolizes the masculine2, or yang principle3. Within this urge, we are seen for who we are, in our naked, raw, genetic, and shining individuality. We are exposed and accepted as worthy/lovable/powerful/good. This is the experience of being made a part of Nature and ultimately all Creation without compromise or adjustment of our inherent uniqueness. It is a cellular and ecstatic unforgetting of our unworthiness, insufficiency, and self-negating realities. We thus birth the capacity to both dissolve our false requirements for love (anger, helplessness, and indifference) and release our false ideas of security. These falsities are created early in life when we first experience separation from Mother, signaling that consciousness has been birthed within us. They are known as our sacred wounds; to heartfully progress through our lives integrating or ‘walking with’ our sacred wounds is an act of profound courage, and exposing entire vistas of the self, as if for the first time. This is the realization of the masculine impulse of the soul, to emerge boldly and be received in our boldness.
Within the second archetype – to merge or return back into Source – we emotionally open to Other and allow Other to move into our inner protected places. We might think of this as the feminine urge4, which provides equally ample opportunities to address any sacred wounds to our feminine functioning. We experience the threatening ‘foreigner’ now as the ‘entrusted’. Our ability to connect with another no longer depends on the Other and therefore we choose more wisely those with whom we can grow. Our joining together harmonizes us into the broader identity of the union, one woven from individuals. We find that our thoughts become enhanced, our feelings vitalized and our past-obsessed concerns diminished. Over time and with practice, this merging ceases to not threaten our self-identity (ego); rather, it redefines it, re-positioning us as the center of a larger, more inclusive field or circle. This is the second soul impulse satisfied, the desire to be absorbed back into Source.
With both impulses now fulfilled, a type of alchemy can occur wherein the Lover and the Loved transcend their human hosts. They are observed for what they actually are: divine confluences of merged intelligence(s) inhabiting the human electro-biological vessel. Each human vessel becomes a conduit for Love itself, whether s/he is in the role of giver or receiver of that Love. The fearful need to know who I am, what is happening or what I should do drops away. The individual’s consciousness, or sphere of awareness, releases from the constricting tightness of ego definition. It instead resides as if in a cresting wave of movement, motivated not by him/herself but by the Greater Mind/Unified Heart of the couple. In this way, true intimacy breeds a supra-personal experience formed from the laws of matter (physical vessel) but no longer bound by them (greater realized heart).
It is interesting to note that the wounds we carry are the very soil and seeds of our wisdom. Reconciling to our life situations – the trauma and conditioning of our past – with compassion and without denial or victimization, forges new space for our hidden longing to arise. The ancient Jewish, African, Egyptian, Essene, Celtic, Christian and Sufi masters poeticized this longing. Today, it can become for us an ongoing resource of connection and truth. Indeed, it is in this longing that the urges of the soul are reconciled.
1. The Soul celestially magnetizes the etheric, astral, mental, emotional and physical characteristics of the individual into a complex and interrelated system of manifestations, tendencies, references, and contexts. It is the only true rutter of an individual’s incarnational experience that maintains alignment with the personal destiny. It guides and steers the individual to create and re-create the required experiences in the right timing for its eventual arising and supplanting the ego as the ‘captain of the ship’. As this transition occurs, the selfidentity (ego) is increasingly sublimated to the will of the soul until that will is acknowledged and entrusted to guide the life consciously in all matters.
2. The following description of masculinity comes from the African tribe of Maasai. It is conveyed by Michael Meade, of Mosaic Voices. www.mosaicvoices.org. The Maasai call it Litima and describe it like this: It is that violent emotion, peculiar to the masculine part of things that is the source of quarrels, of ruthless competition, of possessiveness, of power-drivenness and of brutality but is also the source of independence, courage, upstandingness, wildness rather than savagery, high emotions, ideals, the movement toward individuation, and the source of the desire for initiation. (Idealism and brutality come from the same place).
3. Use of masculine and feminine do not imply gender, but the spiritual impulses co-animating all life.
4. The following description of femininity is mine and is a working model. It is the source of the impulse to retract, to return, to move inward; to dissolve uniqueness into a totality of sameness; to draw all with which it is in relationship into itself. It is the origin of the cyclic nature of physical existence. The feminine part of things is so ubiquitous as to be both invisible and unknowable. It is both the source of and the final resting place for the essential vitality of creation. The Feminine qualities arise from its archetypal predisposition to relate, to contain and to live/die. Femininity can be jealous, rageful, intensely myopic, parasitic, and both threatenable and protective simultaneously. It also gives rise to: conceding, harmonizing, accommodating, compassion, receptivity, inclusiveness producing far-seeingness, essential and unending nurturance, dark balance, and non-differentiation.
* Intimacy: The Resolution of Primal Urges
by Adam Gainsburg, http://Soulsign.com
For more about authentic masculinity and femininity, visit the Articles page as well as http://Soulsign.com/masfem.html.