When your wife cheats it’s difficult to keep your head on straight and think clearly about the choices you are going to make right now that can affect the rest of your life. If you’ve found yourself in this situation you should consider the biggest mistakes that betrayed husbands often make when confronted with a cheating wife.
Not Asking for Proof it’s Over
Many men start the moving on process without proof that the affair is over because they don’t want their wife to think they are jealous. Asking for proof that there is no more cheating for a period of time does not mean that you are jealous. It means that you need some information to help you move past the situation.
A wife who is truly sorry for cheating will be open with information such as the messages on her cell phone, in email, and in her personal space – at least for a reasonable period of time. You cannot carry on the process of checking up forever. At some point you have to allow yourself to trust again or the marriage is doomed.
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Asking for the Wrong Details
Many men find themselves obsessing about the details of the affair such as how many times the sex took place, what position the sex was in, whether or not she had an orgasm. These are not productive questions and she’s not going to tell the truth anyway because she doesn’t want to hurt you further.
Instead ask reasonable questions such as who the person is and in her opinion why it happened and how can she prevent it from occurring again in the future. Some questions are good because they can help you both work through the affair. But you don’t need to know the intimate details because they aren’t relevant to whether she’ll do it again, or whether you can get past it.
Act Out in Abusive Ways
The pain of finding out your wife is cheating can often be just too much for some men and they start acting out abusively, either mentally or physically to their wife and sometimes the other man. This is very unproductive and cannot and will not help your cause. Even if you want to get a divorce, the court system still will not accept this type of behavior.
Instead, focus your anger elsewhere. Exercise, meditate or seek counseling if you must but do not, under any circumstances, act out in an abusive way. Instead, focus on what you want the outcome of your actions to be. Hurting someone because you were hurt will not help you or anyone else.
They Blame Themselves
Many men who find out their wife cheated on them blame themselves. Even if you are a horrible husband, the truth is, your wife had many other choices outside of an affair. She could have talked to you, demanded counseling, or made any number of more appropriate choices than having an affair.
It’s okay to be introspective about your marriage, and acknowledge things that you could have done differently, but the affair is never your fault. The victim didn’t do anything wrong, even if they were a lousy spouse. Instead of placing blame, work to fix issues as they come up but never accept blame for something you have no choice on it.
Go Nuts Thinking of Them Together
Once the affair is out in the open many men find themselves obsessing and daydreaming about their spouse and the other man together in bed. They make up fabulous dirty stories about how awesome the sex must have been. Some men have very vivid imaginations. These types of thoughts cannot help you or her in anyway and serve no purpose.
Instead of thinking of them together, think of how you want to improve your marriage together. Focusing on the other man instead of your marriage will not result in either of you being able to move on past the affair. Even if you ultimately choose not to work on the marriage, it’s important for your future relationships to let it go.
Downplay the Importance of the Affair
Some men go the opposite way of obsessing about the affair and instead avoid any discussion whatsoever about the affair. They downplay the importance of the affair and what it means to the relationship. Instead of trying to figure out what went wrong, they avoid any discussion whatsoever and just brush it under the rug.
While the affair isn’t your fault, it can sometimes be a warning sign of either something wrong in the marriage, or something wrong with the spouse who cheats such as mental illness or narcissism. Avoiding discussion about the affair or getting any type of help to improve the marriage or relationship is a mistake.
Not Asking Their Wife to Cut All Ties with the Man
Many men want to avoid being overbearing and appearing jealous so they just take their wife at their word that the affair is over. The problem is, many affairs happen at work with co-workers. It’s important that if your marriage is to work that all ties are broken with the other man. If your wife isn’t working hard to get a new job, or you can’t afford for her to quit immediately, you are borrowing trouble.
Human sexuality is a complicated matter, and even good wives in good marriages sometimes cheat. Don’t allow temptation to stand in the way of your marriage being turned around for the better. Ensure that all ties are cut as much as humanly possible as soon as possible.
Assume the Marriage Can’t be Fixed
Since over half of all marriages experience infidelity at some point in time it’s important to realize that many marriages can overcome the affair. Some marriages end up even stronger. If you and your spouse love each other, and your wife is willing to do the work necessary to make up for her mistake, there is no reason your marriage has to end.
It may take some time and immense emotional strength for you and your wife to overcome her infidelity, but it’s not impossible and in fact as long as the love is still there it’s more than likely that the marriage will survive and thrive.
These are common mistakes men make when their wife cheats on them. If you’ve already made a few it’s not too late to fix the problems caused. You can get through this without adding to the problems.