Understand the Purpose of Communication and Improve Marriage Intimacy
Communication Is Important Right?
Most people realize how important communication is for improving their marriage intimacy. They know they must be open and honest with their partner and that they must be willing to listen to their partners wants and needs. Yet knowing what you should be doing and actually doing it are two different things.
One of the problems with achieving effective communication is thinking that simply talking and listening is the same as good communication. While starting a dialogue with your partner is the first step, you need to be sure that you’re not just talking, but really finding ways to understand one another. In order to achieve that goal, you must be willing to speak without blame and listen without judgment.
Remember, No Ones to Blame!
To get started, ask your partner to explain to you issues in your marriage that they’re not happy with. When they respond, pay careful attention to your feelings. It’s likely that your first instinct is to feel hurt, or to want to defend yourself. Remember that your goal is to work towards more marriage intimacy in the future – not to point fingers and assign blame.
Of course, you can’t magically stop feeling hurt or resentful about problems in the past. Ignoring those problems isn’t going to help anything either, yet talking about them from a place of anger can do the opposite of helping. When your spouse shares an issue with you and you feel yourself wanting to defend your position or explain why you did what you did, stop and take a breath. Adjust your thinking from what you’ve done wrong in the past, and think of ways you can change your behavior in the future.
For example, let’s say your spouse tells you that they think you spend more quality time with your co-workers than you do with them. Your first instinct is likely to explain how hard you’ve worked for your family. You’ve put in long hours so that you can afford your home, vacations, and other luxuries that both you and your spouse have benefited from.
While these are valid reasons for having spent so much time with your co-workers, it’s likely that your partner already understands your reasons. However, understanding your reasons and feeling content with the situation are two different things. Instead of trying to shift the blame and explain yourself way, ask them what you can do in the future to help prevent them from feeling this way.
Now the Negotiation Begins
Once you’ve established what the problem is, the key is to negotiate. Using the example above, if your partner thinks you spend too much time at work, you probably can’t quit your job. On the other hand, you might be able to find ways to help them feel less alone while you’re working. Perhaps you can call them once a day and let them know you’re thinking of them and that you miss them. Maybe you can set up a lunch date once a week.
No matter what the problem is, there’s always a solution to be found. The key to get to a point where you’re doing more than just talking. Actively improving your marriage intimacy, and taking your communication to the next level is what it’s all about. Leave the blame game behind and focus on the future. Once you do, you’ll find satisfying solutions that you’ll both enjoy.