Save the Marriage Alone: Where Do You Begin?

Divorce used to be viewed as a sign that you had “failed” at marriage. But in today’s society for many people, they see divorce as a sign of freedom. Even those who would consider themselves to be religious and see divorce as being “unholy”, are now getting a divorce because it has become more socially acceptible than ever before.
The next generation of children are growing up in broken homes. Instead of dealing with normal issues like puberty and other social issues, children are now faced with parents who start a new life and even a new family of their own.
But most couples don’t know any better.
We are all raised to believe that it’s simply “tradition” to have a big wedding with lots of people, go on a luxurious honeymoon and then go on your merry way being..well..married.
Many couples actually feel pressured from their very own family members to have a big wedding. Then once the wedding and honeymoon are over, the couple is faced with a large amount of debt from their elaborate celebration.
The first couple years of marriage are usually relatively painless, but as time goes on, the couple starts to get back into their normal routines and eventually they stop meeting each other’s “Ultimate Expectations”.
Why? Simply because they didn’t realize they were meeting them in the first place! The downward spiral that leads to divorce begins when one spouse becomes more discontent than the other. And that’s when resentment sets in…along with that “little voice inside your head”.
You know the one.
It’s the one that says, “Why should I have dinner ready when he gets home, what has he done for ME lately? He comes home, flips on the TV and that’s it…no quality time like we used to have!”
…or…
“Why can’t she just leave me alone sometimes? I just want to come home and just relax! But all she wants to do is talk, talk talk. I need some peace and quiet for once!”
The big problem is that couples don’t realize they’re on the “Secret Path to Divorce” until it’s too late…usually when one spouse brings up the “D” word or says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”.
And that’s when I get the call…or in most cases..the email. Most people want to know if their spouse has reached the “Point of No Return”. They desperately need to know if there is any hope left for their marriage.
And I don’t blame them! When you’re struggling with uncertainty, hanging on just a thread of hope, divorce may start sounding appealing for the mere fact that you won’t have to worry anymore!
But I don’t want you to give up hope just yet.
I’ve pulled marriages out of divorce court as a judge put a hold on the proceedings insisting that the couple get some help first before they go on with the divorce.
The couples end up tearing up their divorce papers.
I say this to you, not as a promise, but as an indication that anything can happen while the “divorce machine grinds up it’s marriages”.
So what now?
Well, since it’s nearly impossible for me to give you useful advice to help you save your marriage. You can visit http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com get free marriage advice and read a wide variety of articles on marriage to help you understand what went wrong in your marriage and what you can do about it.
Many couples ask me what the first step is in healing a marriage.
While many books and self help authors have led you to believe that you need to “do good…and then you’ll feel good.”
(An example of this would be establishing some sort of “touch” with your spouse to try to obtain a physical connection between the two of you. This may mean holding their hand or rubbing their back.)
In reality, there is one huge, gaping hole in this theory.
In one word…contempt.
That’s right.
All couples struggling in their marriage experience contempt in one form or another. Hurtful things are said that only add to the resentment and anger already present in the marriage.
Chances are, if you were to attempt to hold your spouses’ hand, they would view it as an insincere gesture.
At this point, your spouse is thinking, “too little, too late. If you wanted to hold my hand, you would’ve done it a long time ago. You’ve haven’t fulfilled my needs for a long time and now it’s too late.”
So what is the first step you ask?
You need to “feel good FIRST…and THEN do good.”