Save Marriage: Appreciation, Respect, and Responsibility
Do you often feel smothered in your marriage? Do you feel that your spouse is always watching what you are doing? Does your spouse nag, complain and demand things of you and it’s getting out of hand? Then this article is for you. It is not usually just one issue that leads up to divorce, separation, or feelings of resentment towards one another. It is usually many issues between couples that cause marital break down.
Give Each Other Room To Breathe: Stop Blaming Each Other
When marriage starts to sour, couples often blame each other for the disarray of the relationship. They tend to look at each other’s faults and play the blame game with those faults. And this blame game is the cause of the marriage going down hill fast! Most marital issues occur because one or both parties are behaving selfishly and disrespectful of each other feelings or actions.
If couples would stop trying to dissect each other and really think about their own actions and behavior they would see that it does take two to tango and they are tangoing almost every day! I think it is human nature to blame others for our failures but it is the cowardly way to lead our life. Divorce is cowardly as well. Why don’t you just act like responsible adults and take responsibility for what you started?
If one spouse would take part for their behavior in the relationship it would encourage the other spouse to take responsibility for their part in the relationship. When you nag and complain about what a bad job your spouse is doing at this and that, or when you demand that they do this or that, you are essentially acting like their mother or father instead of their lover. This can be very discouraging.
Give Each Other More Room To Breathe: Leave Each Other Alone!
When I say leave each other alone I mean in a negative way. Stop trying to tell your spouse what they need or don’t need. Let them be. I truly believe that when couples stop looking at what the other spouse is doing or not doing and start paying attention to what they are doing, marriage would be so much better. I sometimes liken marriage to be like two school kids in the playground bullying one another.
We spend too much time wanting to tell our husband or wife what they need to do. Why do we want to define their needs but don’t even know what our own needs are? It is because we are overwhelmed and confused about how bad our marriage is. We simply do not know how to fix it other than complain about our spouses lack in the marriage.
This constant focus on our spouse keeps us from helping ourselves and being productive for the marriage. What is important for you in your marriage? Define your own needs and wants and make those happen. Do you want to be happier? Make that a priority in your marriage by fulfilling your happiness through hobbies, friends, spiritual activities; whatever it is you feel will bring you happiness. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your spouse is supposed to fulfill your every need. This error in judgment causes lots of undue stress and contention between couples.
Yes, couples need to encourage one another and be respectful and considerate of each other’s feelings, but they cannot bring happiness into another person’s life—it’s just not possible. Happiness is something that comes from being fulfilled from within on a spiritual level. No one can share your personal relationship with your Creator—that is something between you and Him. But you can share who you are, your growth through God, with your spouse.
Give Each Other Even More Room To Breathe: Be Respectful
Respect is a very big issue in marriage as well as in society in general. The minute they wake up couples begin disrespecting one another. Instead of saying something encouraging and nice they are bringing each other down. This is why couples often look outside the marriage for positive reinforcement of self—they aren’t getting any praise and appreciation at home, so they glean it from wherever it is possible. The grass often seems greener across the fence, but it never really is in the end. It is the same thing wherever you look. Don’t become deceived and totally ruin your marriage over an infidelity.
There are many circumstances that reap negative issues in marriage that create division with couples. From finances to health issues, but in a marriage where couples respect each other all issues can eventually be worked out. Why are couples not respecting each other? Because they don’t understand what being respectful is? They are not focused on respecting each other because they are feeling resentful, confused and overwhelmed about the disarray of their marriage. They’re blaming the blame game!
You can’t understand respect when you don’t understand what your part in the marriage is? Each spouse has a role in the marriage to uphold. Each spouse has responsibilities that need to be adhered to. When these roles and responsibilities are not taken care of couples begin to feel as if they are running the marriage relationship by themselves.
Couples aren’t respecting each other because they don’t understand what it is they are supposed to be respecting? Uh, I’m supposed to respect a wife who grumbles and complains about cooking dinner every night? Oh you mean I am supposed to respect a man who comes home and flops himself down in front of the TV every night?
Do you see how the focus is on faults rather than encouraging the person in their responsibilities? Sadly this is why couples play the blame game and why they focus so much on what the other is doing rather than on what they should be doing. It is a vicious cycle that will continue to repeat itself over and over again until something changes in the relationship. How about appreciating and respecting each other for a change. Will that work?