Marriage Advice: Work On The Fundamentals
Marriage Advice: Work On The Fundamentals
It seems everyone wants to provide marriage advice to couples who are struggling, but unfortunately, sometimes that advice is coming from people who are not doing so well in their own marriage. In fact, this advice may be coming from someone who has been married and divorced more than once, so you have to be careful about the guidance being provided.
Hopefully, our 30 years of marital experience and the fact that we are truly soul mates qualifies us to provide some concrete ideas on how to improve your marriage. These ideas are not new; they are not radically different from what you may have read or heard in the past, but these are relationship changing fundamentals that you must work on constantly.
Find Time For Each Other Daily.
The best marriage advice we can give to any couple is find quality time to spend with your mate every day. It amazes us how many couples find time for their friends, co-workers and relatives, but don’t carve out a few minutes each day to spend some quality time to catch up with their mate.
We always tell couples that love is a decision that people make, but so is giving time to our partner. You have to decide to make time with your mate a priority then hold yourself accountable to giving them your time.
Respect Your Spouse.
One of the best pieces of marriage advice that we were given in our pre-marital counseling was to respect your spouse. That means respecting their opinions, ideas and suggestions even if you don’t entirely agree with them. Respect their time by not keeping them waiting all the time. Respect their quiet time because everyone needs to have some alone time. Respect their efforts at work and at home; too many spouse are overly critical of their mates and are always demanding more from them. Respect in marriage means recognizing your spouses needs and working to fulfill those needs.
Get On The Same Page Financially.
The one piece of marriage advice that seems to go by the wayside quickly once the “I DOs” are said centers around the family finances. Couples who start out with a household budget seem to get out of financial balance quickly once there is great sale at the department store or something breaks down. In order to have a long, happy marriage, you have to be in agreement on financial matters. You have to have a budget you both can agree on and then stick to it religiously.
Keep Your Sex Life Fun And Exciting.
Some couple don’t like when we give marriage advice about their sex life because that seems too personal, but trust us, if more couples would talk about their wants and needs sexually with their marriage partner there would be a whole lot less couples having affairs. One study we saw recently, indicated that marriage partners that have affairs did so because they felt they could not talk about sex with their mate. The lack of communication about sex in their marriage led them to seek a “fun and exciting” partner who fulfilled their desires.
You know what? Your spouse can do the same thing if you just let them know what you want and desire from them sexually. Find meaningful, fun ways to spice up your love life and you will find marriage is so boring afterall.
Try To Out Give Your Spouse.
Now this bit of marriage advice may fall into the category of new or original to you. What do we mean by “out give your spouse”? Well, it starts with the basic advice that most of us hear before we get married that says, “Marriage requires a lot of give and take”. Obviously, this is true, but if you really want to have a winning formula for a long, passion-filled marriage then try giving a lot more than taking from your mate. Give them more of your time by taking the on a date to do what they enjoy. For women that might mean going to a few ball games or manly events. For a man that may mean going to the ballet or orchestra every once in a while.
Try giving your mate more praise and recognition than they give you. This could simply be sending them a “love” text or note. Or it may mean, complimenting your mate for the way their hair looks, the clothes they are wearing or some other physical attribute. The real point is to make a conscious decision each day to give your spouse more that you take and do it joyfully and with deep love.
None of the marriage advice above requires much money or time; it just requires a commitment on both partners part to really work at their marriage daily, but not as a chore. Making your spouse happy should give you a great deal of satisfaction and joy so if you are both working to accomplish this then you will have a very passionate, fulfilling marriage.