Love, Marriage, and Prenuptial Agreements
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
“the marriage doctors” and Authors of the Book
Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage
We believe that Prenuptial Agreements are a bad idea, period! Just imagine, telling someone that you love him or her, but you don’t trust them! To us, this is analogous to having two separate checking accounts in a marriage — one for him and one for her. In both cases it becomes a case of yours and mine. Or, how about this, I love you with the following conditions. Whatever happened to US? We? Love without conditions?
Frankly, we don’t believe that the true meaning of “marriage” allows for this sort of duplicitous relationship between two people who say they love each other. True love means true love. You can’t have a bonifide loving and successful marriage or relationship when you have a Prenuptial Agreement! People who invented this concept don’t know anything about real love and real relationships. Only people with an agenda would encourage something so anti-love, so anti-relationship, and so anti-marriage.
The sad news — in the United States, prenuptial agreements are recognized in all fifty states and the District of Columbia. Why do we need them? What ever happened to pure, unconditional love! We believe it still exists! It is still the norm, thank goodness!
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According to Wikipedia, There are two types of prenuptial agreements: a marriage contract for people who are married or about to be married, and a cohabitation agreement for unmarried couples. A variation for people who are already married is a postnuptial agreement.
We think all three are bad for love, bad for relationships, and bad for marriage. Here’s why.
In our research with successfully married couples over the years, we have found a number of recurring and pervasive themes. Foremost among them is an abiding trust in and for each other. They trust each other completely and without conditions. People who truly love each other do so without conditions. They have unconditional love – as it should be.
Some would argue that since half of all marriages end in divorce and 60% of the marriages of re-married folks face a similar fate, signing a prenuptial agreement is only prudent and sensible. It is insurance against a failed relationship.
To us, this is like saying, Let’s never get married because our chances of failure are 50-50. Or, Let’s not fall in love at all because we might fall out of love in the future. Pretty silly, huh?
Like most things in successful relationships, the little things matter. Caring deeply for someone – loving someone – is only as real as the honesty of the relationship between the two people who profess to love and care for each other.
We ask you these questions:
- Do you truly and deeply love someone else?
- Do you care for another human being more that you care for yourself?
- Is there someone in your life that you would die for?
- Is there someone you would like to spend the rest of your life on Earth with?
- Is there, someone, you share your deepest and darkest secrets with?
- Is there someone that you cannot imagine life without?
If the answers to all of the above questions are yes, you are completely and wonderfully in love. People like you do not need a prenuptial agreement. What you do need to do is spend your lives together. What you do need to do is cement your relationship with each other.
What you do need to do is all of the simple things required to make your marriage or relationship work. What you don’t need to do is sign a prenuptial agreement!
If you ever need any help with fixing your marriage, I would suggest you take a look at this video (opens in a new tab):