Communication Breakdown: Steps To Better Communication With Your Spouse to Avoid Divorce
Every couple has a communication breakdown in their marriage at some point. In fact, most couples have numerous breakdowns in communication throughout their marriage. Communication is really a simple thing, but somehow as humans, we complicate things and blur the lines of communication with our spouse and our relationships begins to get out of focus quickly. When love and feelings are involved, any misunderstanding with your mate can lead to anger, frustration and withdrawal.
In order for you and your spouse to avoid these communication issues, you must develop good communication skills. They are essential for a long, fulfilling marriage. The good news is that you can improve your communication skills, you can easily improve communication with your mate if you are willing to work on it as a couple. The first thing you both need to realize is that neither of you is a mind reader; meaning you have to let your mate know exactly what you are feeling and don’t assume they know what you are thinking or feeling.
Knowing that your husband or wife will never read your mind is an important first step, but avoiding a communication breakdown with your mate also requires simple, clear statements or comments that can be easily understood. You need to avoid complicated words or phrases that may confuse your mate. Tell them exactly what is on your mind or heart, but do it calmly and in control with very little emotion.
If you want to minimize any communication breakdown in your marriage, you need to make sure you are creating the right environment for good discussion. That means getting away from the TV, computers, cell phones and other distractions that may interfere with your attempt to share your feelings and thoughts with your mate.
Once you eliminate those distractions you will be able hear what your spouse is saying. So when you begin to share with one another, you need to make sure you listen more than talk. My mother used to always say, “God gave you two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you talk” and I think she was giving great advice to every married couple out there. By doing this, you will avoid any serious communication breakdown when you are trying to express frustration and disappointment.
Here are some simple rules to follow to avoid a communication breakdown in your marriage:
Be Considerate of Your Mate’s Feelings
When you put your spouse’s feelings first then you are sending a loud clear message that you respect them and you want to fix any communication breakdown that may exist between the two of you. Unfortunately, most married couples do not do this; so instead of getting disappointed or angry when your spouse doesn’t automatically meet your needs, try to understand where he or she is coming from first then you can share your issues with them.
You may need to involve a professional counselor or marriage coach to help you through some of the more difficult issues. If that is the case with you, don’t run from this help; embrace it and keep an open mind as you seek a good solution to your communication issues.
Have A Well-Thought Out Plan to Discuss Tough Topics
When there is a communication breakdown between spouses, marriage can get pretty nasty and very challenging. When it comes to talking about sensitive subjects like, in-laws, money, children and other similar things, you have to be very delicate and choose your words very carefully.
Before you begin a conversation with your mate about something that you know is a very sensitive topic for them, you need to think through what you are going to say and how to say it. You must plan these conversations very carefully and let your mate know at the beginning of the conversation that what you need to talk about might upset them, but express your need to discuss it with them to resolve an issue. Don’t avoid talking about a tough subject just because it might upset your spouse. Avoiding communication like this could lead to even more deeper problems.
Don’t Let Anger Get Out of Hand
Every marriage has is share of communication breakdowns and their share of heated, angry moments. It is very natural for human to lose their cool, particularly married couples who are around each other a lot, but you must learn to control your anger and walk away for a few minutes when the anger begins to get too heated.
You may find that you just need a few minutes apart to chill out and get your thoughts together for a calmer, more productive discussion. At other times, you may find you need to “sleep on it” before your resume the discussion on a particular sensitive subject.
Just remember, you must be cool to effective communicate with one another. Don’t let your anger get out of hand.
Be Willing to Compromise on Some Things
Like most relationships, a successful marriage requires that you compromise at times on certain issues. You need to stand firm on the things that are really important to you, but you have to be willing to give in or compromise on things that are not quite as important. It is the proverbial, “Give and Take” philosophy that we all know is required of us as human beings.
If you are always getting your way, then your spouse probably feels that they are “losing” in your relationship and that is not good for the health of your marriage. You need to make sure they feel loved and respected in your marriage just as much as you want to feel loved and respected.
Schedule Quality Talk Time with Your Spouse
One of the most effective ways to avoid a communication breakdown in your marriage is to schedule quality talk time on a regular basis. Sounds simple enough, Right? Unfortunately, far too many couples fail to do this and end up neglecting their marriage and their mate.
Find a time that is convenient for the two of you to sit down and spend an hour or two just talking about family and relationship issues. you will want to talk about long and short-term goals for the two of you and the entire family. You can talk about that new house or car you want. You can talk about next year’s vacation or visit to see friends or relatives. it doesn’t matter what you talk about each time you get together; the key is that you are having some quality talk time to discuss whatever is on your mind at that time.
Schedule Regular, Quality Alone Time
Another way to avoid any major communication breakdown in your marriage is to schedule some quality alone time for just the two of you. This is different than the talk time discussed above. This is romance time when you get together as a couple to enjoy each other’s company.
This time includes making love, going on a quiet date, sitting at home watching your favorite movie or TV show together or any other activities that brings you joy as a couple. When you were dating, didn’t you find ways to be alone and share your love with one another? Of course you did, so you must do this even if you have been married for twenty or thirty years or longer. Enjoy each other and the happiness you bring to one another.
Communication breakdowns happen in all marriages, but they don’t have to be destructive or create havoc in the relationship. They just need to be dealt with quickly, calmly and lovingly. If you do this, then you will find you will have a happier and more rewarding marriage.